Discipline

I have not posted for a month or so. I struggle with maintaining the discipline. This is not only evident in my blogging but also in other areas of my life; fitness, prayer, and fasting for example. These are things that I really want to do, in fact, really need to do, however; I do them well for a while then they drift away for a time.

As we approach the Church season of Lent, I am reminded of my commitment to these disciplines in my life. As I look back over the past few weeks, I recognize that I have been pretty slack about maintaining them. I have even spent a bit of time, feeling overly guilty and weak for not being able to do what in my heart I so would like to. This guilt should not turn to self-abasement but guilt should result in a repentance so to speak a turning back to the discipline. But I do feel bad, I wonder why can't I do this? When I see so many disciplined people around me, I wonder what is wrong with me? The answer nothing is wrong with me.

I have been convinced over and over again in my life the reason I am not as successful at something is because I am attempting to do it alone. My successes have never been me by myself, actions, there has been a community supporting me. For example, I don't have trouble with finances, because a grew up in a family that taught and encouraged fiscal responsibility. It continued to be part of family discussions for my whole life and didn't just crop up during the global economic crisis. I learned as a young person to keep a budget and continue to keep one so that I can demonstrate that to my children. We do this together, my family by in large is unaffected the recent economic downturn. I am proud of our kids, who in spite of obstacles like no job, continue to be resourceful and manage what they have.

At New Years, I resolved to get fitter, loose a few pounds/kilos and till now have not been very successful. I have not been a part of a community to which fitness is important. Yesterday, I joined a gym. I entered a community that would support me and keep me accountable, as in miss me when I am not there and tell me so. I did this after trying to drum up some support from people I already knew. However, fitness is not a priority in their lives at the moment. I am suffering for my choice a bit today, I had never really heard of body pump before and have discovered that neither had my muscles.

But what about other disciplines I mentioned at first? What about prayer? Well the Christian community here in Roma prays together in a seven hour vigil one Saturday per month. That is good. I pray in worship every Sunday. I try to do daily prayers, morning and evening, however, I am certain that praying the offices is easier to do when in a monastic community as the prayers are done together. I wonder if I will find others willing to stop their day and pray? Otherwise, I will continue to do a patchy job at it.

Fasting. I have encouraged people to consider fasting for Lent. Many here have not done so. For years now, my family has used Lent as an opportunity to remind ourselves that we do not need everything that we think we do. We use the opportunity to give up sweets or even one year meat, in order to understand communities that do not have those things. I have been fortunate that my family is part of the community that makes fasting a priority.

Overall, I really can't complain too much because I do have supportive communities around me. I pray for all those people out there who seem to think that they must go it alone.