On Christmas

I was young when I understood how cruel the world was.  I grew up on a sheep and cattle ranch and witnessed life and death in its rawness.  A prairie chicken (Grouse) would lay 8-10 eggs and one or two would be eaten by fox or mink.  Five or six would hatch if the weather was good and then owls, eagles, fox and coyote would have their feed on the chick and maybe one or two random chicks grew to adulthood to be hunted during the hunting season in the autumn/fall. I witnessed the messiness of stillbirth cattle and sheep and the loss of very young lambs and calves to a pack of coyote pups practicing their killing skills.  It was in this context that I grew believe that there must be a creator.  The ecosystem I observed was so fragile and interdependent that it simply could not be explained by a random explosion.  There was significant order and connectedness.  I believe there must be a creator.  If there is a creator then I had a satisfactory explanation to the rawness of life and death.  I could not accept that life was random and the cycle of life and death was meaningless.  As a youth, I decided that the only possible thing that made sense was that there was a Creator, a loving God who was willing to not only set this world into motion but also was willing to live this life in Jesus the Son, and experience its inexplicable pain and suffering so that the world could be redeemed.  I could hold on to idea that there was redemption to all which I thought was cruel in creation, that idea made sense.  I knew that if all this existed for no reason other than existence, that it just happened,  then everything was meaningless and I may as well not exist.  But redemption mattered, it gave meaning.  And in my life since, I occasionally witness the depth of redemption and rejoice. And many times I wait believing God’s redemption is an eternal thing and that I probably will not witness it all in my human life span.  I wait with the Spirit of God as my comfort and hope.  

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!

Self Aware?

I like to think that I am self aware, yet I continually find myself in positions wondering why did I say that or why did I say that this way.  I am usually able to come up with an answer relatively quickly and I can't say that I am always proud as punch of that answer but it is truthful reflection.

I believe that self awareness is not necessarily knowing why you are going to say a particular thing but that self awareness is being able to reflect on the thing said and make changes if necessary.  I might however, have this very definition in order to defend the fact that I am not able to in the heat of the moment think through my words carefully.

My weakness come in my extravert personality.  I usually jump right into conversation and discussions.  I have come to respect the introvert who generally thinks before jumping.  I know I speak in generalities but in the interest of space this will do.

I know I will continue to jump so must be prepared to have the discussion about how and why continually.  How about that - maybe I am self aware, just a little at least.

I am not in the country anymore

That might seem quite obvious.  I am in a suburb and it is not at all like the rural places I have been.  What I am really think that I subtly changed during my time in the bush.  I had well, let my guard down a bit maybe.

There was a community event on our church grounds this weekend and two local council members were there.  In my head was as I expected a caution to be careful and although I was.  I was taken aback at the deep by the distrust of some people to either of them.  There was expected by people to be political wrangling at a community event which should unify.  I of course was less suspicious, like to believe people are people.

I did not sense that there was any significant political manoeuvring only that some people do not trust them.  I was reminded though by these reactions that I am not in the country anymore.  I do need to put on a different kind of awareness for the suburbs and hone a kind of discernment that has been more dormant for a time while letting my default position to be people are people not roles or positions.

Gathering

I believe that there is something very important about gathering together as God's people to worship God even if we have to do the business of the church (read Synod) as well.  Many people dislike going to Synod meetings because they believe it is a boring meeting taking time from the important work of God.  I think they miss out.  There is something very special about 500 or so people coming together to worship, sing, laugh and be moved by the Holy Spirit.

The same goes for Sunday worship.  People seem to not be too bothered by missing worship now and then for special events.  'God understands.'  Again, an opportunity is missed.  God does understand and I am so thankful that God is faithful and shows up ceaselessly.  The alternative, God not showing up is a pretty dismal thought.

I had an great time at Synod.  I was inspired, filled with hope and a Spirit kind of energy.  If I have any wisdom to give, it would be - to gather, God is here.

Lost

The other day I got lost in our new neighbourhood.  This is common for me as I have a poor sense of direction.  I found myself a bit emotional about being lost.  This was not so common because Mal was driving.  I was not in any risk, Mal knew where we were but I was still emotional.  Like other people, I do not like being out of control.  I like to know what is going on and where I am, however, in a new environment, I am vulnerable and being lost added to that and was the straw that broke the emotional camel's back.  

There was just too much 'new' for me to take in and some of it pour out.  There is still a lot new about this community.  Many new names of 'new' people.  Many new habits, styles, and context, all I seem to be able to deal with.  But new places to find seems to tip me over.  I am sure that much of this has to do with my poor sense of direction.  I must repeat a path over and over in order to be comfortable on it.  Add that to the fact that I never really enjoyed driving and the new place to go can be too much.

How thankful I am that Mal is willing to drive for these few weeks as I learn my way around.  How thankful I am that there are many offers to pick me up and show me where things are.  How thankful I am that I can have the privilege of being and learning something new.

I am back.

My! It has been awhile.  A lot has happened during my three year absence.  I ceased blogging when natural disaster after natural disaster after natural disaster struck.  I needed to focus my attention in other areas and let this part of my life go.

But, I have been missing you.  I enjoy blogging.  I enjoy the self reflection and the opportunity to capture moments in time by the written word.  So dear reader, I blog for myself not necessarily for you.  I am happy to entertain your comments however.

It really has been a full three year absence.  A grandson, two household moves, state committees and now I believe the beginning of a settled life.  I am not sure I know how to live a settled life, but I have moved into a ministry placement with the commitment to stay.

I feel a commitment to including reflections here is a part of the settledness; part of the routine; a discipline.

That is what I feel the call to this place is about - discipline.  Exercise, reflection, building up, and action.  I am not sure I expect a particular pattern, that might get boring, but I do expect well... discipline.

Wish me luck, or better yet pray.

Matthew 25:35-36

"...when I was a stranger you invited me in..." Well we didn't quite invite so does it still apply? This morning Mal and I woke up to a young man sleeping in our guest room. He had left his shoes at the front door and curled up and went to sleep, apparently. Mal and I don't know - we didn't hear a thing.

Mal and I discussed when this may have happened wondering if he had just come in after Mal had unlocked the front door this morning. Then Mal remembered the shoes were in front of the door when he opened it. At that time, Mal had blamed me for the shoes in front of the door. Mal and I had walked around the house and Mal had actually entered the room with the sleeping young man a couple of times before we even realized we had a house guest.

Before we knew his story, while discussing what to do, we quickly decided that he must have really only wanted/needed a bed because that was what he took. He had even been polite enough to leave his shoes at the door. So we left him, sleeping and I began to call him Jesus.

We thought that maybe, the boarder in the flat next door might have sent him over. Nope. Mal tried to wake him and he said he was cold so we put another blanket on the bed and let him sleep. Eventually, Mal had to leave the house (I had left for a meeting) so Mal woke him and he was confused at first then embarrassed.

"Weren't there people and a party here last night?" he asked. "No" Mal replied. He said, Maybe, I drank too much. I just remember being so cold." No wonder it was 35F/2C last night and he had no coat. He told Mal his name, where he worked and apologized many times.

He apparently wandered out of his party and thinking he was wandering back in entered our 'locked' house. Okay, the door locks but the house has moved and sometimes it doesn't really latch and a push on the door opens it in spite of the lock but that only happens once in a while....I thought.

I will actually be more diligent in ensuring the door is locked at night but also know I will feel a bit guilty and wonder if there is someone out there that needs an unlocked door. I pray they ring the bell....

Resolution

How are you doing at your New Year's resolutions? I have lost a small bit of weight but overall, I have not done too well and have maintained the fitness level I had at New Year.

Now it is Lent, the 40 days plus Sundays before Easter. It is the season that in tradition people sacrificed something in penitence remembering that Jesus sacrificed His life. Following this tradition can be a holy and sacred experience for people who go into it for those reasons. I have for many years, given up different things each year for Lent. Each year, I realize how dependent I am on things rather than God. Last year I gave up coffee and struggled because I learned that coffee is a crutch I use in stressful times, I suppose like some people use cigarettes or alcohol. Most days, I did not miss the coffee but when stuff happened, the craving was - well I usually gave in.

Lenten sacrifices can be like New Years resolutions, we forget the purpose behind the resolution. We forget the lessons that life taught us so we do not keep the resolution. This weekend, I remembered why I made the New Years resolution to be more fit. There was a tug-of-war competition at the family reunion. I do want to be fit enough to do these things - so back on track for fitness.

I am still dependent on coffee, even this morning waiting for a tough phone call I had another cup. I, however, turned to God first and thanked God for allowing me to have the crutch and hoped that God knew I need God more than the coffee.

I am glad that Lent (and New Year for that matter) come around regularly so that I can each year renew afresh my memory and commitment of what I believe.

Deep sigh

Well being cut off by flood water was not the end of the story. I found myself in Goodna, a flood devastated community between Ipswich and Brisbane. I spent ten days there and found myself humbled by the enormity of our God.

The enormity of the flood was too big for my imagination and during the ten days, God proved many times that he is indeed bigger.

Cyclone Yasi steam rolled a good part of N. Queensland and I expect that many there will be humbled by God's grace.

No, I did not see supernatural stuff, just people responding, because God had whispered in their ear to respond. People who rang up and said, "I have a (fill in the blank) is that something that will help?" exactly at the time that (fill in the blank) was needed. This happened over and over again. I was overwhelmed at the generosity of so many.

Like in Roma last year or The Gap a couple of years ago, I know that the work will take months to complete the work ahead; homes to be rebuilt or torn down. Lives will take years to normalize.

Right now all that I have to offer is a deep sigh.

2011 look back at 2010

This time last year, rain had started to fall in the Maranoa Region of Queensland staving off what was expected to be one of the worst drought related mass killing of starving livestock. In one week's time this country turn from a dust bowl that I thought would not grow anything into lush and beautiful country. The area here still looks lovely. There was an abundance of spring flowers. Every thing is green. 2010 will be known as the second wettest year on record for this region, averaging 2/3 an inch of rain per week (that is 17 mil/week).

This week was dry. Yay. But only here. The rest of Queensland only miles from us is under water. Our road has been cut off for some time. It is expected that our McDonalds will close tomorrow from lack of supplies. Milk is being flown in. When we do get food again they will be expensive because all the prime agricultural land in Queensland is flooded. At our local grocery store the only fresh fruit or veg is lemons.

Today, I am making lemonade.

Where does time go?

I am not sure where time goes. I have heard many people say that recently near the end of the year. Where did the year go they ask? I reply, "if you find where it went let me know I need it back." Since my last post in Sept. I have spent a week at Australian Catholic University in Brisbane for a Masters unit (intensive) on reconciliation. Good choice. I have been to Western Australia for a Rural Ministry Conference. Again Good choice. There have been numerous other meetings, my regular full-time work, reading and writing to complete the subject I took, and then a few funerals. Funerals in a regional centre means quite a bit of travel. The result, badabing, no time or more correctly time has passed without me doing the wonderful projects that I wanted to get to. I assume that those cool projects were not too important, of course, if I didn't start no one knows they if they were or not.

The result seems to be that I am not motivated. I don't want to start as I am not sure if there is time to do a good job. There is a bit of why bother. There is a bit of feeling overwhelmed. There is a bit of being tired and after a rush period needing a slow time. Plod is the word of the day. Advent is around the corner and I will encourage people to wait with anticipation. Guess, I am leading the way.

ouch!

My question is does worker's compensation cover injuries inflicted by magpies?

This morning, Mal was at a men's breakfast and I was doing some reading and preparation to meet a family this afternoon to plan a funeral. After my reading was complete, I wanted to shift modes and do some reflection on the sermon text, Luke 16, Jesus seems to say choose God or money in a reality that in the West Christian have both (topic for some other blog entry).

I decided that it was a quiet cool morning and that I should go for a walk to be with God in his creation and set out to pass the railway dam thinking the destination should be McDonald's for a coffee (knowing Mal would be by that way shortly and would love to drive me home).

I knew there were magpies in the school yard near the McDonald's but was not overly concerned. I now know the great emotional and physical distress a small melodious creation of God can cause.....

After being swooped, I ran as hard as I could past the school yard with my jacket over my head. I looked back to see the magpie a half a block behind still on the corner. I had stepped out a block and a half and being only metres from McDonalds slowed to a walk and lowered my jacket. In a moment, I received a whack on the head that I knew had drawn blood. Greatly startled, I took cover while uttering a curse and wished evil on part of God's creation; yes, the very creation that I had just left my house to be close to. Close enough to draw blood had not been the idea and I insist is simply too close.

Very quickly, I realized that I am in a small town and people know that I am the Uniting Church minister so embarrassed I looked around to see who may have witnessed me audibly cursing one of God's creatures. I stopped; asked God to bless the bird and walk slowly with my hand on my head to my destination.

I ordered my sandwich and Mal arrived before the coffee came. He was sympathetic and promised to "kiss it better". I have now had a shower and am nursing the lump on head wondering if and how this was meant to enlighten my sermon....

Dulacca, Queensland

Roma is a 6 hour drive from Brisbane. We were driving home to Roma from Brisbane on Friday. As it turned out we were a bit over an hour from home at noon. We were both tired and a bit hungry so we decided not to push through to get home but to stop at the next small town and have some lunch and a break.

We have driven through this town several times by now and have always notices how popular the pub seemed to be so we thought that it would be a good choice for lunch. When we got there the pub looked closed. Well, this is a small town so that can appear to be so but may not be the case so Mal walked over and pulled on the door and it was in fact open. He went in and asked if they served lunch. The young woman there said, "The cook is down at the servo (read gas station in America) and I don't know when he will be back." Mal questioned and learned that the cook owns the servo. I giggled so hard that shortly after noon we get sent to the servo when the normal stop is the pub.

So down to the servo, we see there is a new Chinese restaurant. We go in and are met by a Chinese man. We ordered the lunch special and had piping hot fresh Chinese food that was better than most. We had a five star meal in a two star town.

So if you are ever in Dulacca. Stop at the servo. Cheers.

the north wind doth blow and we shall have....

Hayfever! That is right. The north wind in Roma this time of year brings with it pollen from grass. I have never had hayfever before I moved to Roma. Now, I understand, the watery eyes, runny nose, and oh the sneezing, violent sneezing. There is something in the air that my immune library is totally unfamiliar with and it is reacting full on.

The locals when they hear me snuffle first ask if I have a cold and when I respond, "Hayfever." They say, "Oh yes, the north wind. Hayfever sufferers are often bothered by the north wind." Funny, I had never been a hayfever sufferer. But there ya go, now I am. I hope that I grow out of it.

Why God won't let me take myself too seriously - Part 5

Even in Roma, God does not let me take myself too seriously. The church is running the canteen (read concession stand in America) and I asked one of the ladies at church to pick me up and drive me. I told her Mal had the car which is true and that I would need a lift. She sounded a bit hesitant but I insisted and she agreed. So this morning, she comes by, picks me up, drives me the 2 blocks down our street to the field and parks. I laughed so hard. I had never seen the field used and presumed it sort of abandoned like the park across the street from me. But no, it was soon loaded with kids and parents from across the region. I had assumed all the fields were across town where I had seen activity when I asked for the lift. While I was laughing, she asked if she hadn't told me the name of the field. I assured her she had but the name meant nothing to me having only been here 8 months there is still a lot I don't know. There were more laughs during the day. But next week, I will walk to the rugby.

The word for today is....

Theodicy. Yup. Theodicy. A word coined (made up) by Leibniz to refer to a theoretical justification of the goodness of God in the face of the presence of evil in the world (McGrath, Christian Theology, glossary). Or in my language what has a good God to do with suffering.

Our town Roma has been partly under flood waters. There are many not complaining because most people knew that it would take a flood to break the decade long drought. But for those who lost so much....where is God, in this? Sunday's reading may help. Luke 13:1-9.

I know that this passage can be misused but Jesus seems to be insisting that the question is not about God but about us. What are we doing different because life is fragile? Change your mind, turn back, remember God' s grace, you have another chance.

Compliments to Working Preacher for some of these ideas.

Discipline

I have not posted for a month or so. I struggle with maintaining the discipline. This is not only evident in my blogging but also in other areas of my life; fitness, prayer, and fasting for example. These are things that I really want to do, in fact, really need to do, however; I do them well for a while then they drift away for a time.

As we approach the Church season of Lent, I am reminded of my commitment to these disciplines in my life. As I look back over the past few weeks, I recognize that I have been pretty slack about maintaining them. I have even spent a bit of time, feeling overly guilty and weak for not being able to do what in my heart I so would like to. This guilt should not turn to self-abasement but guilt should result in a repentance so to speak a turning back to the discipline. But I do feel bad, I wonder why can't I do this? When I see so many disciplined people around me, I wonder what is wrong with me? The answer nothing is wrong with me.

I have been convinced over and over again in my life the reason I am not as successful at something is because I am attempting to do it alone. My successes have never been me by myself, actions, there has been a community supporting me. For example, I don't have trouble with finances, because a grew up in a family that taught and encouraged fiscal responsibility. It continued to be part of family discussions for my whole life and didn't just crop up during the global economic crisis. I learned as a young person to keep a budget and continue to keep one so that I can demonstrate that to my children. We do this together, my family by in large is unaffected the recent economic downturn. I am proud of our kids, who in spite of obstacles like no job, continue to be resourceful and manage what they have.

At New Years, I resolved to get fitter, loose a few pounds/kilos and till now have not been very successful. I have not been a part of a community to which fitness is important. Yesterday, I joined a gym. I entered a community that would support me and keep me accountable, as in miss me when I am not there and tell me so. I did this after trying to drum up some support from people I already knew. However, fitness is not a priority in their lives at the moment. I am suffering for my choice a bit today, I had never really heard of body pump before and have discovered that neither had my muscles.

But what about other disciplines I mentioned at first? What about prayer? Well the Christian community here in Roma prays together in a seven hour vigil one Saturday per month. That is good. I pray in worship every Sunday. I try to do daily prayers, morning and evening, however, I am certain that praying the offices is easier to do when in a monastic community as the prayers are done together. I wonder if I will find others willing to stop their day and pray? Otherwise, I will continue to do a patchy job at it.

Fasting. I have encouraged people to consider fasting for Lent. Many here have not done so. For years now, my family has used Lent as an opportunity to remind ourselves that we do not need everything that we think we do. We use the opportunity to give up sweets or even one year meat, in order to understand communities that do not have those things. I have been fortunate that my family is part of the community that makes fasting a priority.

Overall, I really can't complain too much because I do have supportive communities around me. I pray for all those people out there who seem to think that they must go it alone.

Rain

We have gone from the above to the below in only a couple of weeks. Creation is amazing.

Novelty items

Yes, I admit I have purchased novelties in the past. In a cedar chest in South Dakota I have a Ronald Reagan drinking glass. There is a story behind this purchase. You see, I was in Washington D.C. the week before Mr. Reagan was inaugurated as president of the United States. I had the opportunity to attend the inauguration thanks to Rep. Clint Roberts; however, because I was on a school trip, the school would not let me stay even with my parents permission. I knew this was for me a once in a lifetime experience and since I live in Australia, I was probably right.

So I sulked and purchased Reagan memorabilia.

Today, in the grocery store in Roma, I found and interesting novelty item. Yes, indeed, Obama dolls, many of them stacked above a couple of Churchill dolls. I was very interested to see US presidential stuff in the grocery store in Roma. Churchill didn't surprise me because, the Queen of England is still a figure head of some sort here.

I may have expected to find Obama dolls in the city but out here? Well, and above Churchill well only 60 years or so will verify that.

So the photo, sorry for the quality, I am still learn to use the phone camera.

Happy New Year to you and whatever doll you play with!.

A week before Christmas

A week before Christmas

and all through the house

is disorder and chaos

and could be a mouse.

The stockings are hung by the

gas heater with care

but heat won't be needed

its summer out here.

Nestling in bed might be nice

but there's work to be done.

Carol services to finish

meals to plan

The kids will be visiting

and friends will stop too.

And what about those here

with nothing else to do?

I expect that on Christmas

there will be a clatter

of voices and dishes

relationships ringing!

Sorry Santa you're not the star

of the day we celebrate

but relationship with God

his Son incarnate.

Merry Christmas.