On Christmas

I was young when I understood how cruel the world was.  I grew up on a sheep and cattle ranch and witnessed life and death in its rawness.  A prairie chicken (Grouse) would lay 8-10 eggs and one or two would be eaten by fox or mink.  Five or six would hatch if the weather was good and then owls, eagles, fox and coyote would have their feed on the chick and maybe one or two random chicks grew to adulthood to be hunted during the hunting season in the autumn/fall. I witnessed the messiness of stillbirth cattle and sheep and the loss of very young lambs and calves to a pack of coyote pups practicing their killing skills.  It was in this context that I grew believe that there must be a creator.  The ecosystem I observed was so fragile and interdependent that it simply could not be explained by a random explosion.  There was significant order and connectedness.  I believe there must be a creator.  If there is a creator then I had a satisfactory explanation to the rawness of life and death.  I could not accept that life was random and the cycle of life and death was meaningless.  As a youth, I decided that the only possible thing that made sense was that there was a Creator, a loving God who was willing to not only set this world into motion but also was willing to live this life in Jesus the Son, and experience its inexplicable pain and suffering so that the world could be redeemed.  I could hold on to idea that there was redemption to all which I thought was cruel in creation, that idea made sense.  I knew that if all this existed for no reason other than existence, that it just happened,  then everything was meaningless and I may as well not exist.  But redemption mattered, it gave meaning.  And in my life since, I occasionally witness the depth of redemption and rejoice. And many times I wait believing God’s redemption is an eternal thing and that I probably will not witness it all in my human life span.  I wait with the Spirit of God as my comfort and hope.  

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!

Lost

The other day I got lost in our new neighbourhood.  This is common for me as I have a poor sense of direction.  I found myself a bit emotional about being lost.  This was not so common because Mal was driving.  I was not in any risk, Mal knew where we were but I was still emotional.  Like other people, I do not like being out of control.  I like to know what is going on and where I am, however, in a new environment, I am vulnerable and being lost added to that and was the straw that broke the emotional camel's back.  

There was just too much 'new' for me to take in and some of it pour out.  There is still a lot new about this community.  Many new names of 'new' people.  Many new habits, styles, and context, all I seem to be able to deal with.  But new places to find seems to tip me over.  I am sure that much of this has to do with my poor sense of direction.  I must repeat a path over and over in order to be comfortable on it.  Add that to the fact that I never really enjoyed driving and the new place to go can be too much.

How thankful I am that Mal is willing to drive for these few weeks as I learn my way around.  How thankful I am that there are many offers to pick me up and show me where things are.  How thankful I am that I can have the privilege of being and learning something new.

I am back.

My! It has been awhile.  A lot has happened during my three year absence.  I ceased blogging when natural disaster after natural disaster after natural disaster struck.  I needed to focus my attention in other areas and let this part of my life go.

But, I have been missing you.  I enjoy blogging.  I enjoy the self reflection and the opportunity to capture moments in time by the written word.  So dear reader, I blog for myself not necessarily for you.  I am happy to entertain your comments however.

It really has been a full three year absence.  A grandson, two household moves, state committees and now I believe the beginning of a settled life.  I am not sure I know how to live a settled life, but I have moved into a ministry placement with the commitment to stay.

I feel a commitment to including reflections here is a part of the settledness; part of the routine; a discipline.

That is what I feel the call to this place is about - discipline.  Exercise, reflection, building up, and action.  I am not sure I expect a particular pattern, that might get boring, but I do expect well... discipline.

Wish me luck, or better yet pray.

Matthew 25:35-36

"...when I was a stranger you invited me in..." Well we didn't quite invite so does it still apply? This morning Mal and I woke up to a young man sleeping in our guest room. He had left his shoes at the front door and curled up and went to sleep, apparently. Mal and I don't know - we didn't hear a thing.

Mal and I discussed when this may have happened wondering if he had just come in after Mal had unlocked the front door this morning. Then Mal remembered the shoes were in front of the door when he opened it. At that time, Mal had blamed me for the shoes in front of the door. Mal and I had walked around the house and Mal had actually entered the room with the sleeping young man a couple of times before we even realized we had a house guest.

Before we knew his story, while discussing what to do, we quickly decided that he must have really only wanted/needed a bed because that was what he took. He had even been polite enough to leave his shoes at the door. So we left him, sleeping and I began to call him Jesus.

We thought that maybe, the boarder in the flat next door might have sent him over. Nope. Mal tried to wake him and he said he was cold so we put another blanket on the bed and let him sleep. Eventually, Mal had to leave the house (I had left for a meeting) so Mal woke him and he was confused at first then embarrassed.

"Weren't there people and a party here last night?" he asked. "No" Mal replied. He said, Maybe, I drank too much. I just remember being so cold." No wonder it was 35F/2C last night and he had no coat. He told Mal his name, where he worked and apologized many times.

He apparently wandered out of his party and thinking he was wandering back in entered our 'locked' house. Okay, the door locks but the house has moved and sometimes it doesn't really latch and a push on the door opens it in spite of the lock but that only happens once in a while....I thought.

I will actually be more diligent in ensuring the door is locked at night but also know I will feel a bit guilty and wonder if there is someone out there that needs an unlocked door. I pray they ring the bell....

Resolution

How are you doing at your New Year's resolutions? I have lost a small bit of weight but overall, I have not done too well and have maintained the fitness level I had at New Year.

Now it is Lent, the 40 days plus Sundays before Easter. It is the season that in tradition people sacrificed something in penitence remembering that Jesus sacrificed His life. Following this tradition can be a holy and sacred experience for people who go into it for those reasons. I have for many years, given up different things each year for Lent. Each year, I realize how dependent I am on things rather than God. Last year I gave up coffee and struggled because I learned that coffee is a crutch I use in stressful times, I suppose like some people use cigarettes or alcohol. Most days, I did not miss the coffee but when stuff happened, the craving was - well I usually gave in.

Lenten sacrifices can be like New Years resolutions, we forget the purpose behind the resolution. We forget the lessons that life taught us so we do not keep the resolution. This weekend, I remembered why I made the New Years resolution to be more fit. There was a tug-of-war competition at the family reunion. I do want to be fit enough to do these things - so back on track for fitness.

I am still dependent on coffee, even this morning waiting for a tough phone call I had another cup. I, however, turned to God first and thanked God for allowing me to have the crutch and hoped that God knew I need God more than the coffee.

I am glad that Lent (and New Year for that matter) come around regularly so that I can each year renew afresh my memory and commitment of what I believe.

Deep sigh

Well being cut off by flood water was not the end of the story. I found myself in Goodna, a flood devastated community between Ipswich and Brisbane. I spent ten days there and found myself humbled by the enormity of our God.

The enormity of the flood was too big for my imagination and during the ten days, God proved many times that he is indeed bigger.

Cyclone Yasi steam rolled a good part of N. Queensland and I expect that many there will be humbled by God's grace.

No, I did not see supernatural stuff, just people responding, because God had whispered in their ear to respond. People who rang up and said, "I have a (fill in the blank) is that something that will help?" exactly at the time that (fill in the blank) was needed. This happened over and over again. I was overwhelmed at the generosity of so many.

Like in Roma last year or The Gap a couple of years ago, I know that the work will take months to complete the work ahead; homes to be rebuilt or torn down. Lives will take years to normalize.

Right now all that I have to offer is a deep sigh.

2011 look back at 2010

This time last year, rain had started to fall in the Maranoa Region of Queensland staving off what was expected to be one of the worst drought related mass killing of starving livestock. In one week's time this country turn from a dust bowl that I thought would not grow anything into lush and beautiful country. The area here still looks lovely. There was an abundance of spring flowers. Every thing is green. 2010 will be known as the second wettest year on record for this region, averaging 2/3 an inch of rain per week (that is 17 mil/week).

This week was dry. Yay. But only here. The rest of Queensland only miles from us is under water. Our road has been cut off for some time. It is expected that our McDonalds will close tomorrow from lack of supplies. Milk is being flown in. When we do get food again they will be expensive because all the prime agricultural land in Queensland is flooded. At our local grocery store the only fresh fruit or veg is lemons.

Today, I am making lemonade.

Where does time go?

I am not sure where time goes. I have heard many people say that recently near the end of the year. Where did the year go they ask? I reply, "if you find where it went let me know I need it back." Since my last post in Sept. I have spent a week at Australian Catholic University in Brisbane for a Masters unit (intensive) on reconciliation. Good choice. I have been to Western Australia for a Rural Ministry Conference. Again Good choice. There have been numerous other meetings, my regular full-time work, reading and writing to complete the subject I took, and then a few funerals. Funerals in a regional centre means quite a bit of travel. The result, badabing, no time or more correctly time has passed without me doing the wonderful projects that I wanted to get to. I assume that those cool projects were not too important, of course, if I didn't start no one knows they if they were or not.

The result seems to be that I am not motivated. I don't want to start as I am not sure if there is time to do a good job. There is a bit of why bother. There is a bit of feeling overwhelmed. There is a bit of being tired and after a rush period needing a slow time. Plod is the word of the day. Advent is around the corner and I will encourage people to wait with anticipation. Guess, I am leading the way.

ouch!

My question is does worker's compensation cover injuries inflicted by magpies?

This morning, Mal was at a men's breakfast and I was doing some reading and preparation to meet a family this afternoon to plan a funeral. After my reading was complete, I wanted to shift modes and do some reflection on the sermon text, Luke 16, Jesus seems to say choose God or money in a reality that in the West Christian have both (topic for some other blog entry).

I decided that it was a quiet cool morning and that I should go for a walk to be with God in his creation and set out to pass the railway dam thinking the destination should be McDonald's for a coffee (knowing Mal would be by that way shortly and would love to drive me home).

I knew there were magpies in the school yard near the McDonald's but was not overly concerned. I now know the great emotional and physical distress a small melodious creation of God can cause.....

After being swooped, I ran as hard as I could past the school yard with my jacket over my head. I looked back to see the magpie a half a block behind still on the corner. I had stepped out a block and a half and being only metres from McDonalds slowed to a walk and lowered my jacket. In a moment, I received a whack on the head that I knew had drawn blood. Greatly startled, I took cover while uttering a curse and wished evil on part of God's creation; yes, the very creation that I had just left my house to be close to. Close enough to draw blood had not been the idea and I insist is simply too close.

Very quickly, I realized that I am in a small town and people know that I am the Uniting Church minister so embarrassed I looked around to see who may have witnessed me audibly cursing one of God's creatures. I stopped; asked God to bless the bird and walk slowly with my hand on my head to my destination.

I ordered my sandwich and Mal arrived before the coffee came. He was sympathetic and promised to "kiss it better". I have now had a shower and am nursing the lump on head wondering if and how this was meant to enlighten my sermon....

The word for today is....

Theodicy. Yup. Theodicy. A word coined (made up) by Leibniz to refer to a theoretical justification of the goodness of God in the face of the presence of evil in the world (McGrath, Christian Theology, glossary). Or in my language what has a good God to do with suffering.

Our town Roma has been partly under flood waters. There are many not complaining because most people knew that it would take a flood to break the decade long drought. But for those who lost so much....where is God, in this? Sunday's reading may help. Luke 13:1-9.

I know that this passage can be misused but Jesus seems to be insisting that the question is not about God but about us. What are we doing different because life is fragile? Change your mind, turn back, remember God' s grace, you have another chance.

Compliments to Working Preacher for some of these ideas.

Discipline

I have not posted for a month or so. I struggle with maintaining the discipline. This is not only evident in my blogging but also in other areas of my life; fitness, prayer, and fasting for example. These are things that I really want to do, in fact, really need to do, however; I do them well for a while then they drift away for a time.

As we approach the Church season of Lent, I am reminded of my commitment to these disciplines in my life. As I look back over the past few weeks, I recognize that I have been pretty slack about maintaining them. I have even spent a bit of time, feeling overly guilty and weak for not being able to do what in my heart I so would like to. This guilt should not turn to self-abasement but guilt should result in a repentance so to speak a turning back to the discipline. But I do feel bad, I wonder why can't I do this? When I see so many disciplined people around me, I wonder what is wrong with me? The answer nothing is wrong with me.

I have been convinced over and over again in my life the reason I am not as successful at something is because I am attempting to do it alone. My successes have never been me by myself, actions, there has been a community supporting me. For example, I don't have trouble with finances, because a grew up in a family that taught and encouraged fiscal responsibility. It continued to be part of family discussions for my whole life and didn't just crop up during the global economic crisis. I learned as a young person to keep a budget and continue to keep one so that I can demonstrate that to my children. We do this together, my family by in large is unaffected the recent economic downturn. I am proud of our kids, who in spite of obstacles like no job, continue to be resourceful and manage what they have.

At New Years, I resolved to get fitter, loose a few pounds/kilos and till now have not been very successful. I have not been a part of a community to which fitness is important. Yesterday, I joined a gym. I entered a community that would support me and keep me accountable, as in miss me when I am not there and tell me so. I did this after trying to drum up some support from people I already knew. However, fitness is not a priority in their lives at the moment. I am suffering for my choice a bit today, I had never really heard of body pump before and have discovered that neither had my muscles.

But what about other disciplines I mentioned at first? What about prayer? Well the Christian community here in Roma prays together in a seven hour vigil one Saturday per month. That is good. I pray in worship every Sunday. I try to do daily prayers, morning and evening, however, I am certain that praying the offices is easier to do when in a monastic community as the prayers are done together. I wonder if I will find others willing to stop their day and pray? Otherwise, I will continue to do a patchy job at it.

Fasting. I have encouraged people to consider fasting for Lent. Many here have not done so. For years now, my family has used Lent as an opportunity to remind ourselves that we do not need everything that we think we do. We use the opportunity to give up sweets or even one year meat, in order to understand communities that do not have those things. I have been fortunate that my family is part of the community that makes fasting a priority.

Overall, I really can't complain too much because I do have supportive communities around me. I pray for all those people out there who seem to think that they must go it alone.

Rain

We have gone from the above to the below in only a couple of weeks. Creation is amazing.

A week before Christmas

A week before Christmas

and all through the house

is disorder and chaos

and could be a mouse.

The stockings are hung by the

gas heater with care

but heat won't be needed

its summer out here.

Nestling in bed might be nice

but there's work to be done.

Carol services to finish

meals to plan

The kids will be visiting

and friends will stop too.

And what about those here

with nothing else to do?

I expect that on Christmas

there will be a clatter

of voices and dishes

relationships ringing!

Sorry Santa you're not the star

of the day we celebrate

but relationship with God

his Son incarnate.

Merry Christmas.

Fencing

Building our faith, or discipling, is a bit like building fence. We have these theological concepts that form the corner post or strainers. Concepts, on hand that God reigns, Christ is king and on the other hand, Jesus came to serve and was crucified. These seemingly opposing ideas give us hymns like "The Servant King". But I imagine a fence. The opposing ideas at each end; the divine Jesus on one end and the human Jesus on the other. Our faith is wire that stretches in between. If we have one end but not the other the wire is propped up on one end and one end and lays down at the other and you don't have a fence. If you don't have well developed corner strainers then the will not hold the weight of the wire and will eventually sag and the result again is no fence. Both ends must be strong, then the faith wire must be held taut between the two. Too tight, the wire breaks. Not tight enough, it sags and again no fence. But wait, there's more! Between the two corners are many little ideas, I'll call them posts. They must line up between the two. They do not need to be level or even too straight to begin with. But if a post is out of alignment for a long time it will wear on the wire and create rust and the wire may break. So it is imperative that you walk the fence from time to time; regularly, starting at one end and check each post for weakness moving posts and adjusting wire along the way. A good fence draws admiration to the property it creates the boundary for. A good fence can stand alone for some time. It can take the normal pressure of livestock but also can often withstand flood, blizzard, and small fires, in Australia called cool burns. After huge disasters fences need repair. We need to spend time again starting at one end walking to the other repairing the damage. Rarely, though do you have to repair the corners, if they were well built in the beginning. Yesterday, I took my congregation fencing. Some even seemed to enjoy it.

"I see a branch of an almond tree"

The word of the LORD came to me, saying, "Jeremiah, what do you see?" And I said, "I see a branch of an almond tree." Jer 1: 11 (NRSV) How often will your group start a study on Jeremiah then the next week one of the group says the almond tree is blooming let's have the study at our house. We did, and I saw the branch of an almond tree. With a mandarin tree in the background loaded to overflowing.

It is an amazing blessing to be a minister in the country. I look forward to the word of the LORD coming to me and the people that I minister to and with during our time here.

Birdbath

I have always wanted a birdbath in my yard.  Who would have thought I would have to move to Roma, Queensland, Australia to have that want become a reality.  We are settling into the "Uniting Church Manse" (that is what the sign next to the door says) and are very happy to be here.  We have met some of our neighbours, a few of the local clergy and a few folk from two of the congregations and we have a birdbath in the back yard.  It required a bit of maintenance which Mal quickly took to (just for me - I am not sure he considered it a priority) but I relax at the sink while I wash dishes and watch the birds come to drink and play.  The birdbath probably represents a whole bunch of affirmations that we are just where God wants us to be. Praise be to God.

You can never go back!

I am not the person I was 22 years ago.  That may sound obvious however, there are differences that are subtle. 

Today, I had the pleasure of worshiping in a church I had been a member of 22 years ago.  I had told Mal that I really wanted to attend worship at this church because, I had many good memories there.  My eldest daughter was baptized at this church.   

We rocked up and there was a very familiar and comfortable place and and there were a few people who remembered me.  They were so delighted to think that after so long someone would care enough and have loved them enough to come visit.  They were even more delighted to learn that I would soon be a minister.  It was heartwarming for them and me.  I will keep in touch now.

During the experience, I recognized how this place and these people had been God’s agents in my life.  I had grown in faith at that place in spite of myself.  

This is how I know that I am not the same person.  When I was here 22 or so years ago, I was young and loved adventure but was becoming insecure.  I was white anting myself so to speak.  I was wrong then.  Feelings are feelings but feelings to not always reflect the truth.  People saw the truth and demonstrated God’s love to me then and now.  The difference, then I knew God loved me but struggled to love myself and accept that others loved me; now I think I am okay and can accept that okay is okay.  I am also happy to accept that the people I met today really do love me and now Mal 22 years on.  

I tell people all the time you can never go back.  I went back physically because of circumstance but emotionally and spiritually went to a place an moved forward.  

I have been reading

I know that I should be writing.  But I have been reading.  I am on the fourth book in the Ancient Practices Series.  I finished reading Sabbath by Dan B. Allender and am nearly finished with Fasting by Scot McKnight.  Mal is also reading the series.

The style of each book and author, I suppose is quite different.  We have found all these book to be a bit challenging.  There have been many opportunities for us to test out what we are being challenged about, in general, why are practices important to begin with and do they matter to our daily life.  I have to answer a resounding yes.

I have been trying to figure Sabbath out for some time and this book was a terrific resource to do just that.  As for Fasting, I have learned that I have not understood the purpose and motivation of fasting at all.  Fasting as presented by McKnight makes much better sense. 

Why do the practices make a difference?  Well, I live and work in a world that is constantly trying to distract me from my joy.  The more set I am in my practice the more difficult for the world to distract me from that the more complete and consistent is joy.

Uncommon

The other night Mal and I commented on how uncourteous drivers have become.  I said that there is no such thing as common courtesy so we must be uncommonly courteous.  Mal said that also applies to common sense.  The sense that seems common these days is not the sense that I would have my children use.  So now I must teach my children to use their uncommon sense.....

Reflection on reflection

Have I stopped reflecting?  I seem to struggle to think of things to blog about.  I know that I am busy and most of my writing is for college or work.  When I began blogging, it seemed easy to pick up random thoughts and run with them a bit, however, now I don't seem to be able to concentrate on random thoughts.  Just too busy.  Busy is okay but ceasing to do reflection for me is not okay.  It is important that I see God; that includes my daily life.  Several times I have opened blogger only to close it again with no new post.  So I have restarted my effort reflecting on the stoppage of reflection. I sense that it is simply a part of the rhythm of life.  Sometimes, I will reflect more than at other times.  It could be that my life is simply got boring.