I came home and cried

I am not sure why I cried. Last night I preached. I have never thought of preaching as one of my strengths and usually have some nerves before preaching, so much so that when I step up to preach, my prayer is, "okay God, come do this yourself." Often wishing he would literally do that and not use me. And most of the time things go well.

I am not sure what was different last night. Probably several things; it had been a long week of pastoral care, studies, wedding plans, and I am catching Mal's cold, I am sure this all impacted my emotional state in the end.

The service was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes in a couple of places. Julie Price was worship leader. Michelle Jenkins was praise leaders. Both are professional at what they do. Michelle, really is a professional, as her job is music therapist. Julie does chapliancy work and wonderfully spiritual. I knew without a doubt that God would work through them. I just had to write and deliver the sermon. Which I did.

During pray and preparation, I decided to preach on the "lost son" and a love that welcomes, and all the bits of the service fit together well. The problem for me was when I stood and preached, as I continued, I seemed to wear out. By the end, when I invited people to "get the party started", I felt flat and thought, "Wow, how unemotionally can a person invite others to a party?" By the end there was nothing of me left. If the invite sounded genuine and exciting, it really wasn't me. That is good in one way, cuz it means God answered the prayer to come on down. But I have rarely been left so blah.

People seemed to respond well and hung around and chatted under the 'welcome home' balloons. Several people commented positively and I smiled and chatted too. But when I got home I burst into tears. "I left them flat" I cried; I feared. My husband assured me, that I was the flat one and suggested that it was because I gave of myself that others were not flat. He also suggested that I was a bit sick and tired and should sleep. Sleep is very often good advise.

I slept well and feel pretty good this morning; ready to roll. So now I think, sick and tired, was why I cried. I am thankful that God has given me a loving husband that will not let me take myself too seriously. God was there last night and did what God does. I simply needed to stand up and do what I do and I did. God does the rest. He does it well.

Oh by the way, God very rarely lets me take myself seriously. Just ask me about flashing people on the way to the train or exploding umbrellas.